The Chase - Part 2

 

Chasing, catching, kissing and... the one that got away...

 

 

I am fast. Fastest boy on the playground from 5 years old until 10. That was when I went to the integrated school. Even there I was still in the top 5. I was fast and I caught more than a few ladies in elementary, but most of the ladies let me catch them. Not Patti..... not Patti. Back to Patti later.

To be young again, that would be nice. Training doesn't hurt you when you're 5, oh, those were the days. If you are going to be a chaser you must train, especially for fast girls, like Patti. Your best chance is to use your endurance to catch her. If you're serious, then I advise 20 pull-ups, 25 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, wind sprint drills and stairs daily. Are you serious??? Then do the work!

She is worth it isn't she??

Hair is the tough part, but so important! Short haired girls don't really want a chase. Long haired girls do. Pony tailed girls really want to play and pigtail girls are just daring you to go for it. You must be careful when you approach the hair during the chase. If you pull hard she will turn and hit you so hard people will talk about it well into high school. If you go in weak, she will be unimpressed and turbo speed will kick in. It must be soft, but confident. You know, "I could pull this hair, but I just want to touch it and I can". If you do it right, it might give her chills and she will immediately slow to half speed. Then you can catch her!

Sometimes you do catch a girl. You must be prepared for this! Sometimes girls pretend to make a wrong turn and boom a head-on. You best avoid this head-on unless you're ready for a little kiss and more. Yes, first come little kisses, then commitment. Well, I call them little kisses now, but then they were all I knew. Open mouth, one lip, bites, frenching, necking, spooning, sex were all unknown to me. This was long before cable and Internet. National Geographic and Sears catalogs were our "porn" and that wasn't until 7 years later. At 5, no porn, no Sears catalog, no National Geographic. Just first kisses and that was enough.

So, back to kissing technique, again. It is hard to give advice because I was a natural kisser. Just enough feminine in my masculine to understand the kiss in it's fantastic glory. The five second, two lip to two lip, no extremity or body touching kisses were our kisses. Hold back the nerves, control the butterfly's, put up with a little nausea, don't let her see you sweat and then, magic kisses. First kiss, magic, second kiss, magic. Eventually, I met Ms. Right or now known as Mrs. Right Blood and she showed me "into the mystic" magic kisses and more. Still though, I can't remember a non-magic kiss. Sometimes, later on, there would be regrets and pain over who I chose to kiss, but that was always later.

Kissers beware of braces! They may carry food products, gum and bad breath smell. Be careful to check out a girl with braces dental hygiene and if ok then still approach with caution as braces can draw blood. But I must admit my best kisses were from tomboys with a ponytail and braces. Well, I have also learned each kiss and every girl is different and so you must pay attention to her feelings and reactions and adjust constantly. Yes, even at 5. Learn what to do, what is important to her and use it. This practice will come in very handy later in the teen plus years. To those first time kissers, they are mostly wet unless you both are real nervous in which you can have a dry lip catch issue. Practice with dolls and stuff so you get good and there are fewer surprises. There will always be surprises. Lastly, very important, at this age and for quite a while, French kissing is usually disturbing to the ladies, so wait on it. You don't want to be known as Mr. Freaky Perv through middle school, like my friend Tommy T... He WAS a freaky perv though and too far was where he always went.

Ok, once you have had the kiss it might be time for commitment. "Going together" is what we called it and it can be Heaven or Hell. "Going together", back then, meant meeting at school early and standing around with her girlfriends  Then, you do that again at lunch and after detention. If you're good, she gives you a kiss and after sports and homework she calls you and talks until bedtime. I was not a lover of  "going together" as the ladies didn't understand my need for freedom. I love the ladies, but not the commitment. I needed to be free, but I did like the daily kisses. I also liked that "going together" girls would wear their cutest clothes, perfume and smile lots. I also liked, a little, being shown off. See girls "look what I caught". Also, every time I broke free and re-entered the chase arena, my rating had gone up.

If you are "going together" you must be able to talk to the girl.  This is not easy! In my day, at 5 years old, we had little in common. We didn't like the same movies, games, sports, but we were strangely drawn together. They were like magnets and just kept pulling me in. Eventually you have to talk to them.

Let me tell you, starting a conversation with girls is not just dangerous. You need a lot of prep time and practice. By the time we actually start wanting to talk to girl, they have been practicing talking to each other, practicing what they're going to say to us, attending seminars on talking and reviewing training manuals on the art of manipulating boys. When dealing with girls, it is best to just shut up and listen. I failed at it many times, but until we get smart and can use our brains, around age 40, then it is best to be quiet and listen. There is a cigar-whiskey-sports bar exception we will review in a later blog.

 

 

 

Sorry, back to the blog! I got lost for a moment in the cigar-whiskey-sports bar fantasy..... Pre-chase you need to check breath. Gum may be needed. Check your nose for boogers, check for bad smell, and correct them. Now, also check for dirt and mud and remove it. Although, some girls like dirt. Know what your girl wants!

Good time to discuss Patti. Leader of the bad girls. Sassy, cute, torn blue jeans, tight T- shirts, blue eyes, red, blonde, black, sometimes purple hair in pigtails, henna tattoos....."hippie" parents!

She wanted me to chase, but I was not worthy of the catch.... She played with me and I was putty in her hands. I was faster than her, but she was quick and start-stops were her specialty. Go, stop, restart and back to full speed. She was like the Barry Sanders of the playground. Baddest, sassy, cutest little girl there ever was and my heart still pitter-patters thinking of her, but I never caught her before I got transferred....  (insert tears here)

She did help me though. Patty asked me "if I really knew what love was" ,"because she only goes for boys that know how to love." She also said "get real, drop the games little boy and call me when you grow up". I never called, she was the one that got away (There were really two, but that is another blog) But, at first, I didn't think she was serious about what she said. Then, I realized I did not really know what she was talking about. You know, we were only 5 and abstract concepts like love were not supposed to be our strong suit. Plus, I was the only lonely child of a physician who was never there and an OCD mom who still hugged me, only when her gloves were on. I thought TV families were like real families. I am saying this was not a hug and kiss family environment. I would not develop love and intimacy skills until much later in life. But at least I knew they were lacking, as Patti had explained. I would keep my eyes open for this love and intimacy. At first, because I was a little OCD myself, I wanted to perfect my skill set. Later it is what I mainly chased. Well into my forties. It took quite a while, but I did start seeing an improvement in love and intimacy skills and gradually, very gradually, I finally dropped the games and found true love. 35 years later.

So, thanks Patti, for the advice.

I am out

Take care