Trouble!

When my mom tried to explain to me I would be going to a place where I had no control over my mind and body and there were no TVs, I knew it would be unpleasant, but when the Nazi Satan worshipers took me into this Hell, I was even surprised by its torturous nature.

Elementary school. Advanced full day kindergarten to be exact. The first thing Mrs. White, the kindergarten teacher, said to me was "Comply bitch or I will hang you by your balls!".

I tried to explain to her and everyone at the school I was love and compassion, not trouble. I  was merely a special kid that needed to be left alone to my own exploration and adventure. I thought that was quite reasonable for a child of my intelligence and creative potential, but alas, just like my mom, the belts and gloves came out. It's on!!!!

Later in life, when I listened to "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, I knew that they had attended the same elementary, Hayes Elementary. I'm telling you, really, it was ridiculous! They thought they could be in charge of my daily agenda, the time frame and even who I would communicate  with. They didn't allow commerce, gambling, brawling, kissing and running, pulling hair.... They were cramping a young pimp daddy style. How could I enjoy life, finance my operations, keep my bad boy who needs a woman's love image in this environment!

No one had ever controlled me before. Not the doctors, nurses, sultry erotic large breasted pouty mouth blonde pre-K student teacher, parents or the U.S. military. How could this small city run, state supported operation contain me? I mean lets face it, if that pre-K student teacher couldn't do it, no one could!  I mean contain my brilliance, of course. They just wanted to stifle me and rid me of creativity and teach me to comply to societal constraints. Do we let these czars and dictators win again? I said, "No! Do not constrain me, as I may have the answers society needs, if just given the freedom to explore my world and gain knowledge and wisdom". They just wanted to demonstrate their authority under the disguise  of education. More like kill my creative juices. Well, they weren't even interested in negotiating a peace....so, it  was war from the start. They shot first with my flag of truce still high in the air.

It was all so surreal and absurd. The role in this drama they wanted me to take on was absolutely insane.......They  wanted me to get up at 6 a.m., yes 6a.m., i know right, 6 a. m., did you hear me , 6 a.m.! This so I could get to school via a bus to start classes at 7.30 a.m. I know right, 7.30 a.m.!!!  How can a night time superhero, who is heavily involved in the local underground economy and nocturnal by nature get up at 6 a.m.?!

I haven't even gone to bed yet! And then, ride the bus! Have you seen this piece of crap form of transportation?! No safety devices. Not even belts. Built in the late 18th century, by the monks, to torture pagans! (I mean really it is uncomfortable) Crammed in like sardines to max capacity so, if we do crash our little bodies might act as air bags and save a few. Oh and bus rules... the Hitler youth campaign starts here. You know, with rules and compliance and proper behaviors.

Then, there is homeroom, lunchroom and cafeteria food! Definitely future blogs!.... Let's get back on subject, the devil's elementary school minions attempted control of me.

So, let's get straight to my conversation with Mrs. White after she threatened my kinder boy balls.

"So ma'am you want to set the agenda for my education after you only got a C average in a state college? You wish to limit my mobility and communication by assigning me a seat and place me away from my gang? I think you have profiled me and that is wrong. (First to use that, by the way, back in '68) I have not received due process! You are restricting my ability to do commerce, both of which I believe, to impinge on my civil rights. And lets get real! I mean tardies, monitored bathroom breaks, daily testing, busywork you call homework (which attempts control outside the prison walls) no gum or candy, no gambling (big part of my early childhood) and no leaving the campus without permission! No red blooded, free thinking, American child would put up with this crap! I said, "Hell No!! Kiss my five year old  ass!!!".

So, that was my first board spanking! Have you guys ever heard of detention?

I loved detention! My creative juices could flow. The most interesting people in the school would meet there to compare trends, strategies, techniques and develop programs. They left a student teacher that didn't even have a C average in college to watch us. I helped develop spy programs, counter- insurgency units and my speciality, sabotage! The hottest chicks were in detention! We called them the double D hotties. (That would mean something else later. We were only 5!) And I fell hard for their leader, Patti. Well, that is another blog. Maybe the next one....

I am out! Take care.