My Best Buddy!

Halloween is my favorite holiday. You can get dressed up, do tricks, get free candy and go wild like I do on a regular basis..... but they expect it on Halloween! Plus it is myyyyy birthdaaaaaayyyyy!!!!!!!  But this blog isn't about me.

It is about my best buddy, Craig. Craig is what we call a bit of a nerd. He loves computers, wears glasses, plays tennis and goes to church. He is pretty concrete and naive. He is so funny, but he doesn't know he is funny. He says the damnedest things!

We didn't hang with the same crowd. It was my good fortune to find him. I would have never have met him if it wasn't for the fact that we share a birthday. I ran him over, actually a few times, at a laser tag party. He and his little church group friends were there and me and my hoodlums were partying too, Shooting, etc. After running him over the third time, he just got up and kept going.  I thought he was tough. I asked him to join our party and I guess he wanted to hang with the bad boys. Probably because of the bad girls! Who can blame him, right? After a while, we got to be bros… sort of treated him like a puppy at first, but he could clean up a mess or fix a problem quick. And since I was a creator of problems, it was a good match. Unlike my usual friends, he was dependable, loyal and useful. So, the Halloween baby buddies were born.

Scorpios you know!

Man he is really funny. He doesn't know he is funny. You probably know someone like him, but he is the king of being funny without meaning it. I remember we were on the playground one day and he was showing the crew how to use my new slingshot. 'Hold the shaft firmly and pull back slowly while adjusting your hand as needed. Gently hold the ball in the sling and carefully plan your release. Hold it with two fingers and don't pull back too hard or you might release too soon and it will flop. When you reach the perfect spot, release, let it go... it will fly like you can't believe!'

The girls are staring at him in disbelief while we are all on the ground laughing our asses off!

 

He is my buddy..... If anyone tried to pull some shit on him I would take them OUT....

Blog at you later! I am off to my Halloween birthday party with my Halloween birthday buddy!

I am going as Nixon ...I like that guy.

 

P.S. I haven't been blogging so regular, but I am not getting that many hits on my site and a guy my age needs some reinforcement. So get your friends to read so I can motivate myself and demand my attention span...... You don't want to miss this, it gets good and I will be famous..... Or infamous!

HELLO, SATAN!

Hello Satan! It’s me, Ragan Blood. You see, I am so frustrated and bored. I want to come back. My mom explains I came from where you are. My mom and sister hope you arrange to get me soon. School's a drag and nothing new is ever happening. I'm getting bigger and my cowboy outfit doesn't fit me anymore. The school doesn't allow me to bring toys from home. I hear where you are, it is nice and warm like Arizona and all kinds of activities are available. Please come get me now!

 

 

Hello, Lil Ragan! Sorry I missed your call. I apologize for not responding to your first 132 voice messages. It is a real busy time for me. Don't worry! You can always call and leave a message. We sure miss you here. But it is time for you to grow and develop and earth is the best. It has become my best work. Don't give up so easily. It always gets better and more exciting.

You have so much to look forward to in adventures. There is Vegas, Wall Street and Macau. Sports cars, strip joints, whiskey, beer, drugs and high school girls. Become a banker, politician, bureaucrat or medical board administrator and wreak havoc. It is fun! There will be so much more to explore. You guys come up with new stuff all the time that we haven't even dreamed of down here. I think you’re a real promising prospect and I am impressed by your work so far.

Did I mention naughty high school girls?

Don't give up! Call again if you have concerns or need advice. It gets MUCH better, Lil Ragan!

The Chase - Part 2

 

Chasing, catching, kissing and... the one that got away...

 

 

I am fast. Fastest boy on the playground from 5 years old until 10. That was when I went to the integrated school. Even there I was still in the top 5. I was fast and I caught more than a few ladies in elementary, but most of the ladies let me catch them. Not Patti..... not Patti. Back to Patti later.

To be young again, that would be nice. Training doesn't hurt you when you're 5, oh, those were the days. If you are going to be a chaser you must train, especially for fast girls, like Patti. Your best chance is to use your endurance to catch her. If you're serious, then I advise 20 pull-ups, 25 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, wind sprint drills and stairs daily. Are you serious??? Then do the work!

She is worth it isn't she??

Hair is the tough part, but so important! Short haired girls don't really want a chase. Long haired girls do. Pony tailed girls really want to play and pigtail girls are just daring you to go for it. You must be careful when you approach the hair during the chase. If you pull hard she will turn and hit you so hard people will talk about it well into high school. If you go in weak, she will be unimpressed and turbo speed will kick in. It must be soft, but confident. You know, "I could pull this hair, but I just want to touch it and I can". If you do it right, it might give her chills and she will immediately slow to half speed. Then you can catch her!

Sometimes you do catch a girl. You must be prepared for this! Sometimes girls pretend to make a wrong turn and boom a head-on. You best avoid this head-on unless you're ready for a little kiss and more. Yes, first come little kisses, then commitment. Well, I call them little kisses now, but then they were all I knew. Open mouth, one lip, bites, frenching, necking, spooning, sex were all unknown to me. This was long before cable and Internet. National Geographic and Sears catalogs were our "porn" and that wasn't until 7 years later. At 5, no porn, no Sears catalog, no National Geographic. Just first kisses and that was enough.

So, back to kissing technique, again. It is hard to give advice because I was a natural kisser. Just enough feminine in my masculine to understand the kiss in it's fantastic glory. The five second, two lip to two lip, no extremity or body touching kisses were our kisses. Hold back the nerves, control the butterfly's, put up with a little nausea, don't let her see you sweat and then, magic kisses. First kiss, magic, second kiss, magic. Eventually, I met Ms. Right or now known as Mrs. Right Blood and she showed me "into the mystic" magic kisses and more. Still though, I can't remember a non-magic kiss. Sometimes, later on, there would be regrets and pain over who I chose to kiss, but that was always later.

Kissers beware of braces! They may carry food products, gum and bad breath smell. Be careful to check out a girl with braces dental hygiene and if ok then still approach with caution as braces can draw blood. But I must admit my best kisses were from tomboys with a ponytail and braces. Well, I have also learned each kiss and every girl is different and so you must pay attention to her feelings and reactions and adjust constantly. Yes, even at 5. Learn what to do, what is important to her and use it. This practice will come in very handy later in the teen plus years. To those first time kissers, they are mostly wet unless you both are real nervous in which you can have a dry lip catch issue. Practice with dolls and stuff so you get good and there are fewer surprises. There will always be surprises. Lastly, very important, at this age and for quite a while, French kissing is usually disturbing to the ladies, so wait on it. You don't want to be known as Mr. Freaky Perv through middle school, like my friend Tommy T... He WAS a freaky perv though and too far was where he always went.

Ok, once you have had the kiss it might be time for commitment. "Going together" is what we called it and it can be Heaven or Hell. "Going together", back then, meant meeting at school early and standing around with her girlfriends  Then, you do that again at lunch and after detention. If you're good, she gives you a kiss and after sports and homework she calls you and talks until bedtime. I was not a lover of  "going together" as the ladies didn't understand my need for freedom. I love the ladies, but not the commitment. I needed to be free, but I did like the daily kisses. I also liked that "going together" girls would wear their cutest clothes, perfume and smile lots. I also liked, a little, being shown off. See girls "look what I caught". Also, every time I broke free and re-entered the chase arena, my rating had gone up.

If you are "going together" you must be able to talk to the girl.  This is not easy! In my day, at 5 years old, we had little in common. We didn't like the same movies, games, sports, but we were strangely drawn together. They were like magnets and just kept pulling me in. Eventually you have to talk to them.

Let me tell you, starting a conversation with girls is not just dangerous. You need a lot of prep time and practice. By the time we actually start wanting to talk to girl, they have been practicing talking to each other, practicing what they're going to say to us, attending seminars on talking and reviewing training manuals on the art of manipulating boys. When dealing with girls, it is best to just shut up and listen. I failed at it many times, but until we get smart and can use our brains, around age 40, then it is best to be quiet and listen. There is a cigar-whiskey-sports bar exception we will review in a later blog.

 

 

 

Sorry, back to the blog! I got lost for a moment in the cigar-whiskey-sports bar fantasy..... Pre-chase you need to check breath. Gum may be needed. Check your nose for boogers, check for bad smell, and correct them. Now, also check for dirt and mud and remove it. Although, some girls like dirt. Know what your girl wants!

Good time to discuss Patti. Leader of the bad girls. Sassy, cute, torn blue jeans, tight T- shirts, blue eyes, red, blonde, black, sometimes purple hair in pigtails, henna tattoos....."hippie" parents!

She wanted me to chase, but I was not worthy of the catch.... She played with me and I was putty in her hands. I was faster than her, but she was quick and start-stops were her specialty. Go, stop, restart and back to full speed. She was like the Barry Sanders of the playground. Baddest, sassy, cutest little girl there ever was and my heart still pitter-patters thinking of her, but I never caught her before I got transferred....  (insert tears here)

She did help me though. Patty asked me "if I really knew what love was" ,"because she only goes for boys that know how to love." She also said "get real, drop the games little boy and call me when you grow up". I never called, she was the one that got away (There were really two, but that is another blog) But, at first, I didn't think she was serious about what she said. Then, I realized I did not really know what she was talking about. You know, we were only 5 and abstract concepts like love were not supposed to be our strong suit. Plus, I was the only lonely child of a physician who was never there and an OCD mom who still hugged me, only when her gloves were on. I thought TV families were like real families. I am saying this was not a hug and kiss family environment. I would not develop love and intimacy skills until much later in life. But at least I knew they were lacking, as Patti had explained. I would keep my eyes open for this love and intimacy. At first, because I was a little OCD myself, I wanted to perfect my skill set. Later it is what I mainly chased. Well into my forties. It took quite a while, but I did start seeing an improvement in love and intimacy skills and gradually, very gradually, I finally dropped the games and found true love. 35 years later.

So, thanks Patti, for the advice.

I am out

Take care

The Chase - Part 1

Today's blog is more of a technical blog. Short, to the point and full of tangents.

We need to discuss the techniques of chasing girls.

 

I am a bad boy, Gunslinger, as you know. Naughty by nature and my bad boy image serves me well when it comes to the ladies. They all want to tame me and then throw me aside. When I come to the playground there is always a few that want to be chased and I must abide. At least one chase a day and sometimes many more! 

 

Being a bad boy got me transferred to a lot of different schools, but that isn't a bad thing... more chasing.

When you're new, well, that is the best chasing you will ever see, because you're the undiscovered country. The big mystery. You can see it in their eyes!.....Do you have a good chase in you? Can you stay up? How long can you chase? What size are your shoes? Do they have good traction? How are you in the turns? Are you just quick or do you really have the stamina to stay up? How many have you chased before me? How many have you caught? Well ladies, I can chase ......and sometimes I choose to catch!

 

Chasing begins long before the running. You must start the game early. Look for your prey and study her. What shoes does she have? Girls change shoes frequently and you might catch her on a bad shoe day. Or she might put on the bad running shoes to draw you in or be caught. Stay aware! They are smarter than you and, if you let your guard down, you will become the prey!

 

To get the ladies interested in the chase is a must. You can't just run at a girl and she takes off. There is nothing more embarrassing than when she just stands there and gives you a look... like you ain't got enough chase in you for her to start running. I have never experienced it, because I know chase, but I have seen it and those poor guys never recover.

 

Getting to take off:

First, you must take care of the fore chase, pre-game or foreplay, as we call it.  You got to get them interested and the juices flowing or this chase won't ever happen. This is the most important part of the chase! You can't chase if there is no take off and there is no take off if you can't get into their head.

 

This is one of those many paradoxes you will run into with girls. There are a lot of paradoxes and we don't have time to list them. This is the paradox where you first have to get them to not like you and then annoy them even more so they want you to chase. I don't make up the rules I just observe and abide. You must annoy and it takes well thought out planning and real work. But you want the chase right, so do the work! You may have to be downright obnoxious, but don't overshoot to "he is such a jerk". It is a real art form. Watch the best in action locally and take in some TV. Hair pulling, interrupting, hyperactivity, getting in trouble with the teacher, passing notes, whatever your technique put some passion in it. The ladies will appreciate the attention and effort in the end. It is all about staying in her mind. All the time. You must get in your head and stay there.

Sometimes you have to go into a more advanced mode, for the more sophisticated lady. I call this back and forth. It is an advanced technique. I like you, I don't like you... (like a rubber band) go away, come back, send them away and beg them back. The interest level will go sky high and you will become the passionate love/hate chase interest. You will stay in her head!

 

You must also throw off all others. When a guy asks about that cute little girl you have your eye on you say, "She seems fine now since she is back from Juvie and I don't really see any effect from the head injury she gave me".

 

This process of annoyance without jerk hood is work and not for the faint of heart. I am lucky I was given the gift of annoyance and attention getting. It has served me well. If you work hard, are persistent and do it well, the tension builds and soon the chase is on.

 

The chase begins....

 

Ok, let's discuss some chase recommendations. When you're five, the ladies are taller and  faster. Once you hit the playground, if all the effort you've put in has worked, then chase you will! But remember you are at a distinct disadvantage physically and they are smarter than you. Don't forget, they control the chase in so many ways.

 

They have few weaknesses, but they love the bad boys and they love the chase! When you first get to where her and her girls are playing you must get noticed. Get her attention and her friend's attention. Her friends are your ally. They give her props when you flirt and if she is a little reluctant they will help give the push you need to move the chase forward. Once noticed, play hard to get. I know it doesn't make sense, but it is their rules. Wear good shoes, loose clothing and wait for her eyes to connect with yours. She will give you a warning before the start, the 'maybe' look, the little wiggle and the hair flip. You will know when it is time to go. You will see it in her eyes! You have to run. It's time. It may not happen again. Take off!!  Run fast! Never be half ass in a chase. If you don't have 110% to give, don't chase that day. Got to keep your rep and performance strong!!! 

 

You always start from a good distance behind. That is the nature of this game, forever....

 

Find a good spot with traction and then go hard! Work it!!! You must be quick. I think running bases on the baseball field is the best practice. You learn to work the turns. Girls are famously quick turners and change their minds on which direction they may go at a moment's notice. They have turbo speed and if you move to weakly or touch the hair wrong they may use it and you will be in the dust.

 

Next blog the chase recommendations continue... chasing Patti, little kisses, and what if you catch one.

 

Until next time, I am out! Take care.

 

 

Trouble!

When my mom tried to explain to me I would be going to a place where I had no control over my mind and body and there were no TVs, I knew it would be unpleasant, but when the Nazi Satan worshipers took me into this Hell, I was even surprised by its torturous nature.

Elementary school. Advanced full day kindergarten to be exact. The first thing Mrs. White, the kindergarten teacher, said to me was "Comply bitch or I will hang you by your balls!".

I tried to explain to her and everyone at the school I was love and compassion, not trouble. I  was merely a special kid that needed to be left alone to my own exploration and adventure. I thought that was quite reasonable for a child of my intelligence and creative potential, but alas, just like my mom, the belts and gloves came out. It's on!!!!

Later in life, when I listened to "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, I knew that they had attended the same elementary, Hayes Elementary. I'm telling you, really, it was ridiculous! They thought they could be in charge of my daily agenda, the time frame and even who I would communicate  with. They didn't allow commerce, gambling, brawling, kissing and running, pulling hair.... They were cramping a young pimp daddy style. How could I enjoy life, finance my operations, keep my bad boy who needs a woman's love image in this environment!

No one had ever controlled me before. Not the doctors, nurses, sultry erotic large breasted pouty mouth blonde pre-K student teacher, parents or the U.S. military. How could this small city run, state supported operation contain me? I mean lets face it, if that pre-K student teacher couldn't do it, no one could!  I mean contain my brilliance, of course. They just wanted to stifle me and rid me of creativity and teach me to comply to societal constraints. Do we let these czars and dictators win again? I said, "No! Do not constrain me, as I may have the answers society needs, if just given the freedom to explore my world and gain knowledge and wisdom". They just wanted to demonstrate their authority under the disguise  of education. More like kill my creative juices. Well, they weren't even interested in negotiating a peace....so, it  was war from the start. They shot first with my flag of truce still high in the air.

It was all so surreal and absurd. The role in this drama they wanted me to take on was absolutely insane.......They  wanted me to get up at 6 a.m., yes 6a.m., i know right, 6 a. m., did you hear me , 6 a.m.! This so I could get to school via a bus to start classes at 7.30 a.m. I know right, 7.30 a.m.!!!  How can a night time superhero, who is heavily involved in the local underground economy and nocturnal by nature get up at 6 a.m.?!

I haven't even gone to bed yet! And then, ride the bus! Have you seen this piece of crap form of transportation?! No safety devices. Not even belts. Built in the late 18th century, by the monks, to torture pagans! (I mean really it is uncomfortable) Crammed in like sardines to max capacity so, if we do crash our little bodies might act as air bags and save a few. Oh and bus rules... the Hitler youth campaign starts here. You know, with rules and compliance and proper behaviors.

Then, there is homeroom, lunchroom and cafeteria food! Definitely future blogs!.... Let's get back on subject, the devil's elementary school minions attempted control of me.

So, let's get straight to my conversation with Mrs. White after she threatened my kinder boy balls.

"So ma'am you want to set the agenda for my education after you only got a C average in a state college? You wish to limit my mobility and communication by assigning me a seat and place me away from my gang? I think you have profiled me and that is wrong. (First to use that, by the way, back in '68) I have not received due process! You are restricting my ability to do commerce, both of which I believe, to impinge on my civil rights. And lets get real! I mean tardies, monitored bathroom breaks, daily testing, busywork you call homework (which attempts control outside the prison walls) no gum or candy, no gambling (big part of my early childhood) and no leaving the campus without permission! No red blooded, free thinking, American child would put up with this crap! I said, "Hell No!! Kiss my five year old  ass!!!".

So, that was my first board spanking! Have you guys ever heard of detention?

I loved detention! My creative juices could flow. The most interesting people in the school would meet there to compare trends, strategies, techniques and develop programs. They left a student teacher that didn't even have a C average in college to watch us. I helped develop spy programs, counter- insurgency units and my speciality, sabotage! The hottest chicks were in detention! We called them the double D hotties. (That would mean something else later. We were only 5!) And I fell hard for their leader, Patti. Well, that is another blog. Maybe the next one....

I am out! Take care.

Fun One

The manic babies moved on and we became the "daycare dudes".... The gang and I hung out for awhile, but since we were totally dependent on our moms, the gang got smashed up. The moms, they saw the chaos we could bring so they split up the crew and we all ended up at other daycares. That backfired. We organized and assimilated and became a baby super gang. We were just waiting for real school to demonstrate our power and authority. Man if social media had existed back then we would rule the world now.

The "terrible twos" were sure terrible for me .....I got noticed and labeled; "fire maker", "arsonist", "whats wrong with that child", " hyper monkey". Then the federal government got involved......of course once they heard about me it took awhile for them to get it together, make a plan and execute it. On my fourth birthday the U.S. military built a fence around my parent's house. Really they did, it was the first fence they had ever built around a house on that base. (I think 8 feet may have been excessive, but I did build multiple tunnels.) My dad was in training for Vietnam in California at a tank base. They used the excuse "I might hurt myself ", " I might get run over by tanks"....like I couldn't outrun a tank at 4!  We all know, really, they were scared of me. I mean really afraid!!! They also wanted to clone me..... I was a super hyper monkey robot sniper kid and the Feds wanted my destructive powers  and mobility. I know they filmed me to try to figure what future droids might be like. When I went into the ER for sutures they took extra blood so they could figure out what made me tick so they could use it to dope up soldiers and create super men like Captain America. I am sure they considered dropping me behind enemy lines.

 

While looking for ways over the fence I discovered trampolines! I needed one. I really needed one.... Do you understand? I really needed one!!!! Once the tunnel system and Bat cave were done, my dudes and that cute pigtailed shorty began to party at my place. I was a player, swinging from the chandeliers, jumping all over the place, couches were trampolines. Then my mom made a decision...... if I was outside the fence, I was other people's problem and a trampoline might wear me out. Now I know that seems naive and dangerous but remember I was her first child, she was young, and reading Dr. Spock and she had already tried to kill me once. I was growing on her though. She really loved me during those 2 to 4 hour night naps.

Trampoline days, wow, it was a crazy wild time, fruit punch galore, sugar, candy, soda, caffeine, front and back flips .....frequent ER trips.....all good!

........................

Then dad got transferred to Vietnam and we moved to my grandparents in Oklahoma.


Excerpt from next blog......

The School Paradox

I love the learning, but school didn't appear to be about learning as much as control. A little prison for my creativity. It was all about conforming and I watched my bros falling into the system. Compliance was not my strong suit and so the battle between man and society began....

Future blogs will include; grandparents in training ,dangeroos, granddads and grandmas are a good thing, the good, bad, ugly and other attorney stories, med school house of pain and pleasure, elementary school my dear Watson, monkey he is my brother, wife number one, wife number two "the devil", wife number three "the angel", advice on relationships, happiness, life and pork products, fire monkey, the ants they must burn, med school debauchery, the lake life, high school is cool please take me back, strippers, when the lights turn on....

That's it for today,

See ya,

Take care!

Introductions

Introductions are the worst! They're tough, usually uninteresting, uncomfortable, nervous... I try to define myself while trying to catch your interest. I don't want to lose you before I even get started, but I digress.....as I will do regularly!!!

Hola, hello, aloha, howdy!!! I am Dr. Ragan Blood. Welcome to my blog.

I would like to, now, tell you what my blog is about, but let's just say predictability is low regarding what its contents will be. I have been told I am a good storyteller and can often sound off a witty adventure and usually it will be about a recent experience or maybe a past one that sprouted relevance.

There, of course, will be strict order. Not really. I wish there was... I wish I was organized, but, in fact, tangents are my best stuff.

There may be some exaggeration, but most of my stories don't require it. Actually, most of my stories require an editor to assure there will be no legal reprisal while maintaining believability,

Now, let's get back to what we're discussing... the blog and my introduction. I am Ragan Blood and I am a little crazy, but I used to be a lot crazy. I am diagnosed with anxiety disorder. "A really interesting guy that just keeps going and going and going." "No off button!" "A little intense." I like to call it passion.

I used to want to write all my experiences down, but I couldn't sit still for that long. Now, things are better. In fact, I'm pretty happy and relatively mellow. Maybe there's something in all these blogs that can benefit you if you are a little crazy and desire happiness, but don't bet on it! Our goal is funny!

You see, I have lots of experiences.Probably about 100 times normal people (norms). Since, I pretty much, have been awake and on the move my whole life. Yes, undiagnosed and untreated for 45 years. Despite being around or part of the medical community the entire time.

I have stories!! And despite possible humiliation of myself, family and friends, I hope to revel you in humorous stories of evil, good, heroism and hope. 

Welcome to my blog! Stay awhile, take off your.... No! Put those back on! That always leads to trouble!


A taste of my next blog...

In the beginning... and I mean the real beginning!!! My mother realized there was trouble brewing right off the bat! All that kicking and what she thought was nonstop movement and maybe even talking... she cut off the blood supply to save humanity. Now they call it placental calcification, but I was saved by C-section by a doctor more scared of malpractice attorneys than of little me. Foolish man! The nurse that took me from the OR realized I was real trouble and decided to drop me on my head, but I bounced right back up and she got fired. I got to the nursery. I got my first posse together and we began to to roll. Rolling was all we really could do at that time, and screaming. We had some good screamers.... good times!! We would become more advanced, more trouble and louder. Watch out world!!! Watch out ladies!! Here we come! The manic babies!